The bag I will be reviewing today is the Versace Block Color Python. We first see bold eye-catching colors that stand out, including turquoise, yellow, and white python offset by tan leather panels. And then there are studs. And a chain strap. And everything seems to get a little overwhelming. That is what Versace does though, create bags that are entirely packed with color and design elements that can be seen as over-done. Yet somehow this bag works for me.

I don’t doubt that even looking at this bag, the elements may appear to be overdone. But they are over-done just right, not overly-done. And I can handle it. And I even want to wear it with a pair of jeans and button up blouse. I always talk about jeans, because I literally almost always will be found in jeans. No lie there. And when you are a jean and simple top wearer, your handbag is allowed to be ornate and is allowed to add pizazz to you outfit.

This collection from Versace is inspired by Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. The use of color and panels makes sense, though I am not remembering many pastel hues from the movie. Nevertheless, the small bag with the long chain handle is all the rage right now. Versace prices are always on the high end of the spectrum, as it is with this bag. Buy through Net A Porter for $2,895.

It’s almost as though the universe placed the galacticly awful Versace Scream Shopper on Nordstrom’s website to welcome me back to the land of the living – It’s been quite a while since Donatella & Co. have provided us with a bag so thoroughly worthy of ridicule. When pitched such a softball, I can only hope to hit it out of the park. Won’t you join me?

Can someone call Donatella and tell her that putting out crap like this is why her company is failing? Does she not realize that? How could it not be obvious? Am I taking crazy pills?

That a company could put out a bag made of mismatched patterned leather, acid yellow trim and baseball stitching and expect people to spend well north of three grand on it absolutely boggles the mind. The people that made this bag live on a different planet from the rest of us, and it’s not a place that I hope to visit. Ever. It probably smells like Axe body spray mixed with fake tan. I’d say that this bag looked like a Junior’s Department nightmare, but really, it might be uglier than that.

On the other hand…has ever a bag been so aptly named?

Sadly, the Versace Gree Shopper could not be a more apt example of why that is. Gaudy metallic? Check. Logos galore? Check. No leather to be found? Check. Astronomical price for a canvas tote? You better believe it.

Sadly, bags of this variety are the rule and not the exception at Versace. To me, they look like they’d best find an audience if they were sold in the juniors department at a mid-range department store for a drastically reduced price, but XOXO already has the corner on that market.

The stupid thing isn’t even attractive, and that irritates me. Versace could be a brand that makes fabulous, luxurious things, but instead they choose to make gold canvas totes and charge a stack and a half for them. Then they wonder why their business is in serious financial trouble, and bags like this make it difficult me to feel sorry for them. They do it to themselves. Buy through Nordstrom for $1425.

More accurately, trouble has been brewing for quite some time now.

We make light of Versace’s relatively piddling bag efforts on a regular basis (or whenever I can’t think of something more interesting to write about), but based on Dana Thomas’s very interesting article on the company’s troubles for the latest Newsweek, bad bags aren’t the only problems that Donatella & Co. are having.

Whether or not we want to hear it, handbags are one of the most profitable and important sectors of a worldwide luxury business – the only thing that makes more money for companies like Chanel and Dior is beauty. So is it true that as go purses, so goes the company?

That idea isn’t directly addressed in Thomas’s article, but it’s one that’s worth discussion. In her own book, Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster, Thomas explains in (sometimes painful, for purse lovers) detail the way that profits from cosmetics, fragrance and handbags have made high end brand conglomerates like LVMH and Gucci Group such cash cows.

And in these stark economic times, companies like Hermes and Louis Vuitton that are overwhelmingly known for their handbags are the ones producing healthy numbers. Since neither of those companies benefits directly from massive cosmetic sales, it stands to reason that their ability to sell handbags hand over fist has had a huge impact on their financial solvency during the luxury collapse. Versace’s handbags (and their prices) have become a running joke around here, and we’re the exact people to which they should be trying to appeal – a niche audience of people that already spend gobs of money on bags. If you can’t sell a bag to us, who can you sell it to?

Surely Donatella’s coke-fiending and jet-setting haven’t helped the company be taken seriously as one that values design and quality, but if they could, at the very least, get their handbag division under control, then maybe the money would start rolling in in a meaningful way. And what of Versace’s shoe line? Shoes are steadily catching up with bags as one of the “it” items that savvy fashionistas must have, but when was the last time you saw, let alone coveted, a Versace shoe? They do make shoes, right? I’m having a hard time conjuring a mental picture of one. And if they don’t, why not? It’s another big margin product that sells well, even in this economy.

Thomas comes to the conclusion that it may be time for the family to exit the family business in order for the company to survive, and if they’re the ones responsible for the complete mishandling of the most profitable section of their company, then I can’t say that I disagree with her. Whatever happens, let’s hope that someone realizes that good bag design could help Versace stay afloat.

Picture via NYMag.com.

But I kind of love her for dressing like this, truth be told. This is how every girl that ever bought a Joy Division album desperately wanted to dress in high school (including yours truly…), and almost none of us ever got the opportunity. I didn’t because I was on debate team and bleach-blond extensions and a whole pencil worth of eyeliner probably would have made me look unprofessional at tournaments. That, and I don’t think my mom would have bought me leather short shorts. But a girl can dream, I suppose.

But obviously, we’re here to talk about Taylor’s bag, the Versace Metal Frame Satchel. We’ve spoken about this bag before, but it’s hard to get a sense of something when you can’t see it carried. Two things struck me this bag after I saw the pictures – it’s a lot smaller than I expected it to be (it’s not nearly the size of a Stam, to which I originally compared the structure) and I like it just as much as I did previously.

It’s legitimately a nice-looking bag, which is not always Versace’s strong suit, and for that I’m excited. The price, however, is still thoroughly unexciting. Buy through Nordstrom for $3995.

For some reason, I really love the buckles featured on this bag. There is one in the front, as well as on the sides. I have always love the Louis Vuitton “Manhattan” and this bag reminded me a little of it. Even though they’re two totally different bags, I love how the buckle detail makes them both unique.

I prefer the “Heidi” satchel in espresso over the metallic color. I like how the richness of the espresso colors goes amazing with the goldtone hardware. They compliment each other well, making this bag look stunning.

This is a great bag to purchase for the upcoming Fall season. The rich brown dark color would go amazing with any Fall attire. Although, I do think if this bag was made in black it would look much better and of course be a more versatile bag. If this bag does become available in black, I may be in trouble!

You can purchase the MICHAEL KORS “Heidi” Satchel at Michael Kors for $1,295, which is a great deal for this bag. The beauty of the bag alone is worth the price! Now let’s keep our fingers crossed that it comes out in black!

See the MICHAEL KORS “Heidi” Satchel at: Michael Kors

The Chat: Kors Heidi!

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